i am begining to trust again. i feel free ammongst the midst of unknown change. i believe i can heal and get through these times. where ever i am taken, i know i will be ok. for God as I am allowed to understand him is eternally with me. i will fear no more. i will have no pain. for every pain is only a momentary concept that ultimately leads to greener pastures. as long as i can allow myself to see forward into what God is granting me, I will hurt no longer. my life is cased in gold. I can't get enough of what I have been given. for God is within me, and i with him. we are one. he has blessed me for eternity. I will no longer be caged within the box I was so afraid to leave during my youth. for now that i have stepped out, i taste the difference. and it is sweet my friend.

do not be afraid of the sorrows you carry. for one day, when you are ready, you will leave these sorrows behind and fear no more. to so many the unknown becomes the unwanted. but it is now time to step forth from these ways of old and see. that the unknown is the grandeur you have sought after your entire being. what you have sought after before no longer applies. because only you know that these things will not bring you happiness. the happiness you seek, you will find. but until you do, to your dismay, you will continue the path of distruction. it will happen. life is knocking on your door. and you can feel it. as do i. dont pull the blindfold over your eyes, go back to sleep, and forget about the knocking. this is your true chance in life. open yourselves up and take a deep breath of the water. you will not drown. it will replenish your soul to bring forth the seeds of the most sweetest fruit. open yourself up. do not be afraid. the time has come. we all must change. no one gets left behind this time. for when you sense the aroma knocking on your door, you can not look away. you are magnitized. no need to try to understand it. it's bigger then than we can conceive. beauty is within us all. let our magnifisence show through. God has given it to us, who are we to supress it. enable it. hold it up. wave it high. we are beautiful. and it is now time to trust this once again.

Last Night, my 8 month old boy, Tristan Storm, was rambling in his cute little way he always does, and I noticed something I notice all the time (just in a smaller magnitude then usual), but have never really shared with many people before. So I thought I would share to see if others notice similar things going on in thier own lives.

When Tristan was rambling, He would yell at me ever so often. But this wasn't the so called normal "rambling" or "yelling" that most people notice about babies. I was actually internally understanding what he was thinking about and feeling each time. And I am almost certain that He (and all babies for that matter) is actually intuned to what is happening and it is comforting to him when I notice it. I believe that all children/babies do this type of thing, but as they get older, I have reasons to believe that we may supress this capability as we get more involved in our outer environment and less involved with our internal selves. I am not sure how to describe how this actually happens yet, but I have noticed this type of thing with my other children as well, but it seems it has become more conciously developed in me the past couple of years. I even notice this with other peoples children now. I can just feel what they are thinking or feeling. And it is always the warmest, sweetest feeling I have ever gotten when I am paying attention to this. Especially with other peoples kids for some reason. My belief is that maybe I get more affectionate about it with other peoples kids because,

1. I am used to it with my children and like wise they are used to me doing this.

2. Most often I feel like the other children I have been around probably have never had someone in thier life connect with them that way and they instantly feel comforted by me when I am around them. It is as if they conciously understand it more then myself.

I have a lot of theories on this. I am not sure how many other people understand this type of occurance much more then I do or actually experience this regularly, and can maybe put it to words better then I can, but never the less, it always makes me shift into a very peaceful, almost dream like, state of mind as it occurs. I really enjoy this seemingly small ability and how it has been getting stronger over the years.